Round Of An End.

Round of my end, our end, practically has no end. Because it is a round, yeah, a round. So whatever happens, it will just keep coming around, all around. I understand now when Suhaili mentioned that phrase. That nothing harm much when we are not in brace. I guess it is an impenetrable bubble. Thick surface, hard one.

After all we've been through up to this days;
Happy 22 month of Anniversary You.

Sorry I'd make you read those stuff and make you sound bad, well, as you say la kan. But hey, if I asyik sebut yang baik je tak boleh jugak kan, so now balance what. And yeah, Thank You for granting my wish. And hurm, making this the best one and memorable ever.

You know what, I like it when you say let's make this zero-zero. It sounds so adil, and so right. Hehehehehe. And yeah, so considerate. I will ingat this days, even 22 but odd one in ways. A record kot I kept silence all the way. So macam macam of us.


And and;
Heck heck, so typical mushy lovey dovey problem.

So So, So What ?

HAA HAA HAA. Okay I know, lameness, I tulis lagi. Anggap je la semua post post yang hanya berselangkan lima minit ini as a redemption for my long days of tak post apa apa. I am just so bosan right now, stuck in the rain, emotion drools lagi tu and sedikit rasa pissing sana sini. Oh don't mind about that. And yeah, diselubungi kekosongan ahli rumah. I know I kind of jongos to not to ikut. I nak ikut, betul, just that I don't want to go dengan muka masam and ruined everyones day. Besides, there are some people who deserve to go and be smitten all the way so I don't want to get caught red handed having my eyes envying them. Yeah Yeah so entah hape hape.

You know what, I think I am too generous to a fault. Serious ni. If you tak percaya you tengok nanti apa jadi. Things always jadi macam tu. Exactly macam tu and I really mean it sebab that day one of my friend told me an exact story how guys put things upside down. And I really mean it guys. Sangat selalu kot. First, girls yang merajuk sebab, things don't come as we wish. Then tup tup, entah when tah depa yang guys ni pulak masam masam muka, as if as if as if as if kami yang salah, grr.

And after tu la, it jadi true that I am so effing generous to a fault. Sebab when salah, and selepas sesi pihak itu meminta maaf I would say "Ye ye, takpe. Biasa lah tu". Tapi cuba kalau I yang berada di pihak yang meminta maaf tu. Acapkali ku dapat kata kata sedemikian. If kata "Ye ye, takpe. Biasalah tu" selingan lepas tu mesti ada adegan ungkit mengungkit. Heck heck.




Okay now I dah membebel sorang sorang in this virtual sanctuary. You know, I'm glad i have this site, so kadang kadang tu I can just burst it out here. And after that tersebut lah perkataan lantak lah. For I dah ease a bit. Rasa lega la kot. Sikit.

If tak jugak and ada lagi, I'll write lagi.
Sooner than you expect. Trust me.

How To Do Lagi.

Tengok now I need to pretend that I'm busy banyak hal, that I'm okay, happy, jubilant hehe walhal sebenarnya I am so damn mad. Tak faham, yes cakaplah. I don't know siapa tak faham siapa. Gosh Gosh. Do You know how infuriatenya I towards You. As if You are some Zeus or Pharaoh yang ada magic spirit in this world. And do You know too, that it is so hard to say NO to You for I want to carefully jaga hati You. Yeah yeah, you can say I tak faham, heck heck. If I faham 24/7 You won't see the part in me yang so rebellious to make You faham I.

You just won't see any You know. Too blind to notice.

Tak baik emo emo hujan hujan dingin ni so better be it, dah jadi so nak buat how lagi kan. I am now reaching my Finance. Pegang je pun okay what, Kan ?



Heck Heck.

Just Don't Risk Your Happiness. Your Happiness. Part 2.

I want to say what I want to say. Okay. Okay. Okay this is one bloody thing yang I don't like pasal diri sendiri. Iaitu, meletakkan rasa happy suka bahagia milik individual ini di tangan orang lain. Tak faham la why must I do such. Though this is not the first time. I find myself fond to buat others happy and smile and happy and laugh and happy while I am damn so not going to get the same thing. Tak usah pergi jauh. 3/12 dah menggambarkan semuanya. Always mahukan yang terbaik buat orang lain, mengharapkan balasan yang sama, tapi failed. Zero. Betul lah. I will never get a mutual reciprocation. I know its wrong to mengharap. But to be frank I am so desperate and need one. Badly.

Dah la sounded so conceited, desperate pulak tu, plus pathetic lagi, so emotional breakdowns la now. You know what, I can't tulis anymore dah. Too sakit dalam ni. Just I wish I can turn back the time, and I wish I am a person who pentingkan diri sendiri and just go and move on without fikir apa orang rasa.



Someday I'll run away. Tak percaya You tengok lah nanti.

Just Don't Risk Your Happiness. Your Happiness.

So not related with the title. Above are just some chant that plays in mind this few days, so you can join me to together think or to just ignore it. I've been so mushy lately. Pooling tears here and there tak kira tempat. exactly macam paip bocor. I've been missing them who are no longer near. So, lots prayer to be sent for them, so they know they are my everyday thoughts. To Ibu, Ayah, beb beb di rumah, I'm sorry I don't have any minute now. And for sacrificing my Mid Sem break, i guess. Aku tahu beb beb rindu aku, so tunggu akak balik nanti ye beb beb. Kauorang kumpul duit dulu kasi super banyak, hehehe.

I had my OOP test last week. And as a feedback I would say I need to prepare a bit more early than what I did. and oh ya, I've been living in Becky's Bloomwood phantasmagoria. such a good book. Reen, aku dah habis Takes Manhattan. Now I'm moving on beb. Breaking Dawn khatam lama dah. Midnight Sun punya draft pun, you should habiskan too.

--
-

I Miss You beb beb ku dirumah.
Sepet, Reenbon, Iteen and Muhammad.

Aku been cengeng for days already, hahaha. Kangen sama Ibu ! and Mami. tiba tiba. Pet, aku kira time, dah dua belas tahun aku rindu Mami. How I wish Mami ada, so Mami can tengok how ganteng kita semua now.



Okay enough now. Need to pen off.
Bye beb beb. Akak Rindu Kauorang.

For letting a pool of wet tears gather on, let Us wipe it off.

Its always the best to have one another.

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

with you by my side I will fight and defend.

Instead of the phrase kill the time, I need the time to kill me.

Suicidal mode. And I guess, things won't be much like this if I don't give a damn on how do weekend be without me and go home, safely home, peace. This is what happen when I am in a bad state. First, I will stay happy, jubilant, despite the shit things that happen. Will try my best to crooked a smile, to laugh, to say to myself that things will be okay just back to normal. But when things go off limit and over the edge, I poof like magic, be a mess. Tears welled and being spilled almost everywhere. And and when I find it so hard to tolerate with my patience, I will stupidly jump to a conclusion to ruin myself with a suicidal mode. Okay, at least I don't just jump to such abruptly, I just need space to tolerate and when it is not granted, bad things will happen, and this will be one.

It is so easy to tell others to stay in one piece and pull their selves together when they are in a bad situation. But when I'm in such condition, it is rather hard to turn to ourself and a definitely hard to turn to others. So at the end, I tend to cry my heart out and be ridiculously stubborn and keep it to myself, only. And I guess I know where did I learn that traits, from someone so near to me, that maybe after all this won't be the same again, not anymore. Sigh. Its hard to pull myself together now. Double sigh.

--
-

It took me quite a sometime to shift my mind, and it shifted repetitiously to sane and insane which in conclusion will be a total insane. At times, I cried. And at times, I laugh. Just like any lunatics people you see begging on the road. When uncomfortable fills the atmosphere, when you admit no joy anymore and infuriation takes place the laugh and rainbow once upon ago. I try not to let the words mentioned haunt my me but it does, as frequent as I tried to let it go. It hurts to hear it from someone that you have had gamble your life for.

So now, at the moment I'm hiding from reality. For reality hurts when words and thoughts are turning to be unbearable burden and heartaches. Try to pace ahead without doubt and a halfhearted faith. And to stop hoping, or perhaps mark it to the least so no one will be hurt. Life is tough and to live is a lot more tougher.


I know I can't stand without my wholehearted faith.
But guess what, if you want it to be destined just like that,

I will try my best to make sure I will.
Though it is impossible. Pathetic me.

My breathing started to accelerate again and my hands trembled.

Don't ask me to back off when I am forwarding towards you. Please don't say I don't understand you when I have had put my very best effort to comprehend you well and your demeanor. Just don't instruct me to abruptly change overnight when I can't. Heck, I am no puppet for you to toy around, or any remote control doll for you to set the setting. Don't only come to me when you feel like you want to. Don't do such body language that tells me how tight the situation are.

You can ignore me as long as you can. You can say all you want and make it as I am the bad guy. You can throw that face on me. You can say I don't understand you. You can tell me that I lived by others sympathy. You can say all you want.

Because I won't take any that deep. Because I know you said it off guard and out of your sanity. That you are insanely mad at me, or maybe something else that I need to be the place for you to channel it. Let it be. You can say it all to me. I'm good with any.

--
-

For at the times when you are in bad, I'll stay. For at the times I cause you headache, I tried my best to cure it. For each and everyday of your life I prayed for you to stay. For though you don't read the crap I wrote and did to keep you up pacing ahead, I still go on with it because I want you to know I'm there, near, always.

and when you say I never understands you, it hurts.

because contextually,
I had forgo everything just to understands you thoroughly every single bit that no one ever did to you. I had gather all the possibilities to stay put the smile on your face. For I had helped you to be fair in any accordance. For I always represents only the best in me for you to others.

--
-

I hope you see that, now.
Even if you closed your eyes.

Whatever end found us, it would not find us separated.

its been awhile, really. from my previous serious post. things seems to come just right perfect in my way this two three days and I am so thankful, being blessed by all the endowment, endless evidence by God on how He really wants me to learn to live and lead a life. and yeah, to trust and hold on to myself when things get pretty hard to catch and teary. I'm all glad to rise up. Rise up high. maybe not that high, yet. but soon will be :)

just that I keep remind myself to not to tripped this time and blow off the chance God had plan for me. and to stay true to myself in whatever I do. also to keep the momentum which is now running low. so many things that happen in life that had make me see things in different perspective. and that human tend to forget when they own their so called stability. which is by right and nature are not ours. literally by norms but not contextually by the name of God. and I am in my best to keep on motivating myself to go ahead without turning back and to think positive things in life.

--
-

unconditional love to all who by their presence had make me felt touched and loved. and to dia-f saya for never frequently be heartless in any condition. and to be so super extra happy, busuk (sebab kena telor, tepong and air eww) on your big night. I am now officially in the state of Demam KusKus, and I guess it is the season now, aiseyman. hope to get well soon and be back happy, jubilant, spastic, retarded on track.

Love To All.
Have A Good Day.

Berkumpulnya Orang Orang Yang Saya Sayang.

Kawan kawan semua.
Terima Kasih yang Tidak Terhingga Infinitinya.

Penggerak Utama :-
Lynn and Aidil. (Juga mereka adalah penjaga senjata belon belon. madu labe sendiri yang pada mulanya first mengerakkan neuron neuron malas diri untuk mengadakan parti tergempar ini. menyepport dengan motto "kawan sampai mati" hehehe)

Tukang kasi pinjam kuali berteknologi tinggi :-
Kat (juga mandor masak yang setia memerhatikan kami jengjengjeng. juga tukang kasi pinjam minyak and garam, agagaga ;pp)

Tuan Punya Banana Drive untuk membeli bahan bahan masak :-
Hani (walaupun luka jari beliau, demi kasih dan sayang yang tidak terbelah bagi, beliau sanggup menghadapi risiko bersama sama meng-hunt Prego)

Pemandu Berhemah, Makcik Canteen yang Berwibawa, Tukang potong mushroom :-
Sherry (gila super sedap mushroom hasil potongan awak, heeheehee. makcik canteen paling cool and gempak. tukang pembaling tepung yang hebat, hahaha)

Tuan Punya Beg Merah yang Terkorban dek Telor :-
Diyanah (maafkan kami beg you kena telor, HarHarHar. takpe, itu menunjukkan telor suka beg you ;pp antara yang bersih malam itu. cannot go betul, lain kali you kami kasi extra kena next time ;pp)

Tukang Rebus Mee Spaghetti yang bagus dan setia :-
Nad (oh juga camera woman yang cekap pantas amanah dan patuh, heeheehee) terima kasih kerana telah menjalankan tuga anda denga sempurna :))

orang paling penting tunjang utama geraknya malam itu dengan gilang gemilang :-
Suhaili (roommate cool cun hot baik dan super baik, terima kasih kerana telah menjadikan segalanya kenyataan oh juga pada kembar ku Jeff yang now at the moment tak balik balik lagi UTP ber-karok tak sedarkan diri aiseyman)


Tukang Teman Buat Surprise Ditingkap V5 :-
Azmir Kecik (idea cupcake tipuan untuk konon konon takdak apa apa, cit ;pp Thanks Kecik !)

Tukang Plan Yang Bagus Bijak dan Cermat :-
Naqib, Ooi, Bekeng, Ijat, Tepung and semua lah !

Thank You Korang !!