Tidak sesuai dengan Jiwa Kencang ini.

belog ini kian hari dimiliki oleh seorang optimis yang hari harinya mencari kata erti untuk kehadapan dengan tabah tenang sabar bersemangat dan bermotivasi. itu mungkin membuatkan dia a loser karena tiap bait kata yang diatur untuk diri sendiri agar terus laju mara kehadapan. maka what the heck, sendiri hidup sendiri jatuh sendiri bangun. persetan peluang yang terlepas karena setelah beberapa hari memikirkan getir getaran hidup ianya sungguh sangat amat tidak bersesuaian dengan kamu. masakan yang terkini kamu tidak tahu apatah lagi untuk menjadi satu.

TIDAK SESUAI DENGAN JIWA.

Tuhan tahu itu. maka pabila anda mungkin satu hari nanti pada akan datangnya miskin, miskin atas rezeki yang pelbagai, cari kekayaan lain. yang wujud dalam diri anda. keluarga, satu kekayaan yang tak terbelah bagi. yang ada dekat dimasa anda kaya dan miskin dengan rezeki, rezeki yang pelbagai. mereka yang enam, lima campur satu yang dekat. maka enam. enam yang akar hidup ini.


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kan dah cakap hidup ini ada sebab. hurm.

When You Believe

Dear Future;

why can't you guarantee any place for me ? by any chance, have I did you wrong ? if yes, where ? or just this is a subtle feedbacks on earth punishment from God to me ? when can I be out from outnumbered and odd ? why can't you just tell me what lies ahead ? when will be the right time for me to live well and live grand not having myself have this individual thinking on how pathetic loser i am ? why all of this question being heard but left unanswered ? why am I being so unlucky all the time ? why must I always tell myself to be positive while I know I just can't afford any now ? why future ?

I felt useless. left out. have no good to move on. I felt outnumbered, so outnumbered. I felt deserted, alienated by my own self. I am no par now. I am far back away thousand steps than others. I am tired Future, tired to tell myself to be positive, to look forward. it is all seems to be a pointless effort in me. I am too tired now. to pull myself together and look up upon you Future. I think I am far too late now. to grab chances. to lead life good. to keep space for future. I am late comers in grabbing things in front of me am I Future ? what does life want to educate me through this Future ? I can't see any good. it only tears me apart. welling tears in my eyes and turning me out a loser day by day. I have no space in me now Future to think good and positive. I am all tired. tired with life. I'm tired to keep smiling when my heart cries hard pathetically inside. I'm tired to come out with jokes when at the end i myself couldn't afford the laugh. No one cares Future. No one will, no one wants.

please tell me Future, for at least I'll be calm and peace.

Yours Sincerely,
AA

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Dear AA Love;

I'm sorry. I have no authority in telling you what lies ahead. it is all bounded and determined by your own self esteem, on which lense you see life, the way you motivate your everyday and the reasoning on why must life be such in your dictionary. Don't fret too much AA huns. You'll get place, you will get the chance. chance that are all set for you, especially for you within your abilities and interest. remember AA, things happen for a reason. when things happen not as you desired, be thankful. for God notices you. for God knows you exist and He wants you to learn more. adding spices in you life dictionary. and when you think God are punishing you, be grateful AA Love, He's on his best lessing burden in your weighting later.

don't say such AA sayang. you're not outnumbered. you are far away to be called unlucky. you are so lucky AA. you have the best AA in you who never stop having faith in you. you have everyone around you through your ups and downs. them who willingly offering helping hand for you, them you hugged you comfortably, lovingly, for they care of you. them who hold on to you tight, never let you go for they knew miracle will happen for you to live in. your family, your other half, your best friends, you pals, the other AA in you.

you can't possess all good things in the world AA. I would say life is an OMR paper. you choose your path A, B, C, D or E without turning back. and its hard I know. but when you are in the phase that things are hard, it is actually a phase of a grand opening for an adventure afterwards. good life don't come all the way AA. good life doesn't make you a good person. good life doesn't guarantee you a good future. challenges, obstacles, a No from others, are all the best lesson in life for you to outshine maybe not now, but in the future. you'll see AA. future ahead you offers you much more than the current life you had.

and you did well in keeping up one of your future. Happy 21st Month of Anniversary. to both of you. You're happy in some ways AA dearie. I can tell that. He always have faith in you. and you're leading a good happy relationship as if it was just a month old, but reality give you big Two number this April, which means a par enough. He never gave up on you, so why you AA ? Keep it up pacing and believing. if you don't want to do it for yourself, do for them who cares. for the least.


Have Faith AA sayang and please Never Give Up.

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe

Yours Truly;
Future

the glasses through which we see the world.

at last. for the least, i manage get my hand tic tic tic on this keypad, laptop of mine. after quite a some time, i am happy to be back on track and would like to bid everyone a very happy hi ! I'm doing good, though might not be grand, but still alive and breathing till this moment. and still can stand still cracking stupid jokes around and be loud, like i always be in my everyone everyday life.

coping, gradually, practicing. phasing, trying not to hear what others say about the environment, issues, current statement for i am initiating a new, brand new glasses through which i see the world. differently. not adequately now. but a total vast different and hoping to reap a very good last resort for the hypothesis and experiment that i am adapting.



okay now i had abandon this virtual space of mine for long enough; hapdate session !

university life are back now. fresh. new. not until it came back hitting on the head. I'll try my best to ignore and move on and yes proving. proving the might in me, though least. had pull myself the best and good in one piece, stepping ahead confidently without any specific inferior. i don't keep space now, for now and may it lasts till the due permits it.

holiday back then; home, was an enjoyable period of two months. through my days bright sunshine and dark gloom they will always be there. though it hurts them too. and I thank god for such endowment. to have such a great family by me, who endlessly supports me and for unconditionally having faith in me. they are the greatest. to hold me still when i cringed badly and to laugh together to make me happy and smile and stable and move on and so on and so on.

I Thank You Ayah and Ibu.
for hold on to me tight in my ups and downs.

the siblings, one hell yeah thing about them. couldn't describe more how I immensely love them. all of you are just simply the best in a plain you. thank you for making my day. for sleeping with me hugged me when i tragically burst into tears. for texting me and asked me if i am okay though your room is just next to mine. to tapau delicious puff and soups from delifrance. to make me happy with your nuisance and macam macam act. to laugh laugh laugh and share their stories and laugh again and do stupid activities like girls do. gosh gosh, they are the best.

I Love You great siblings of mine.
Thank You for always be with Kakak all the time.

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and here, just yet, my
great Fab Five :) and darling roommate.
gosh they just make my day with their laughs and helpful thoughts and ideas and jokes and ridiculous retarded acts and banyak lagi. and when I'd move on, i know they are all behind. helping, motivating, try to help me to forget frustrating stuff. its good to be all lingered with good loud happy jubilant people. they make you breath. they give you the beats.

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i take a minute or two in my everyday now to read and chunk some words. and changing the glasses through which we see the world is one of it. covey make it specific this time when he mention a quote and i do have it all over me for one day, till the next quote to live for the another day. paradigm, sometimes we are just too stubborn to see things in different perception. our mind are too centered to one particular segment. and in some certain positive ways, it is not healthy for we might be cruel to ourself just by building shield between us and the paradigm. the different paradigm.

I'm changing new lens now. just like someone changing a new spectacles to see the world. i am now, too. not literally but most likely contextually. and perhaps you should too. lets do this together. have a good day everyone.

Hitam Putih Kehidupan

seperti pasir; lagi digenggam lagi jauh, senyap, laju dia pergi.
tak terbendung lagi genangan, jatuh bertitis dihujung mata.
tak tergetap bibir menahan perasaan,
takut akan memori lampau dan penentuan masa hadapan.


it might be not for the same reason; but its true, and its help.
for the least\\

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

And If You Do Not Want To See Me Again; I Would Understand

positive. a good trait that somehow can turn out bad when we go overboard. putting no limit in mind, and just live by the quote; be positive. positive in almost everything, yes everything. that at times, we just couldn't see how some part of us are hurt just because us, being positive. an irrational positive. a no-end positive. a positive that doesn't go with justification and thinking. for we just lead the quote right away for the one we love despite, the deserving one that love us unconditionally.

but that is life isn't it ? for at least we learn. learn to pull ourself together and see good things in life forgetting all our worries. i would say yes, yes for everything. almost everything. and that is positive. literally. contextually negative due to accordance. and this is the best part where we do the justification to move on or to put our heads up and firmly say no. which also could be hard. to say no. but again that is life, we need to learn to say no too, as equal as saying yes.

as much as thinking, being positive have its own rules.
and all are up in here, in our mind, to end up all with a rational justification.

so from now on lad and lass,
when we say think positive;
a rational justification are included just like a McValue Meal.

Enjoy The Video.

lai lai lai, come come come, mari visit ini site.
makan banyak bagus and sedap.

can cuba can cuba, hehehehe.
(sila hover pada tajuk dibawah bintang untuk kedestinasinya)

adeera : the chef

He is the best solution to a problem.

He is the best solution to a problem. No, a best solution to forget a problem. thats better. every girls dream. if only he exist, he won girls all by himself. unfortunately, he was just a fib character of an author. who have the best traits that best describe a girl wants and needs in a man, a boy.

though he was just a great character, he exist somewhere in my daily thoughts. that at times, appear in my dreams. especially when one encounter such domestic problem; problem with all angles. you know. and he come like knight in a dream acting a great story beyond scenes, and i don't care if i am not his girl. because to just get the chance to see him treat her had make me all happy.

and am glad that he castaway all that bounds. make me live in a subtle fantasy, brand own phantasmagoria. though it is unreachable, insane and ridiculous. it is the bestto live only with the books, the character, and plain me. plain me with nothing to think of, so much, that much. so i don't end up being some stubborn brat, rebellious someone. aiseyman. he owe a girl so much for helping in washing away the pish posh in mind.

Gosh,
Edward Cullen. a forever myths and fib.

and of course the ultimate best solution is The Almighty.
Edward Cullen is only a temporary fantasy and cure of a problem.

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in a meantime,

lets have this song hum in our mind.

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

I know I think too much.

that is my major problem. i think too much. and i like to think. my brain can't just stop from doing the thinking. a good thinking, a bad thinking, a serious thinking, a stupid thinking, a deep thinking, a leisure thinking. yes, thinking, think.

it is good, indeed. makes well it could be bad too. and hurt, yeah. to think. equal to maybe reminiscing. when we reminisce the past. of course, heart aches, shits, and so on. but i am no talking about any of that now. for i had pronto starting a new life, ahead, forward, and say no to turn back.

thinking is good. so good. it makes your brain work just like IBM super machines. so good if you can go overboard and return back to what it is meant to, the actual price to think. best to think is according Quran. yes, there are guidelines for thinking and need to get it all exercise up pronto too. in life, even thinking can be bad. Subhanallah. enough mumbles about thinking.

now,

just that; now,
i want to be heard.

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to get what i want. because i don't get it from elsewhere. i know it sounds stupid, as if i am being so dependent. but once for all, it might be nice, to get what you want, what you really want, and yes that includes a sincere hand over. and i know we can't always get what we want. because they don't grow on a tree. but it is so cool to not to mask on our face and try to be ridiculously hideous for saying so not true things. so sinful.

and the solution for that is..
which also happens to be my another major problem...

is putting a high hope. that is it. high hope. which are good, for certain cases. but not this case, absolutely not for this case. and thats why i am now initiating an independent. so i won't be sad, for not get things in return, for not reaching my high hopes, for being insult, and so on, so on and so on.

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another issue that is not to be include as problem is.
I always know what will people react when i mention things. you know the words like, urgh you know. or you don't know ? ...

okay now do you get me ? how hard i think every seconds ?



i do think, hard, hard everyday.

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for no reason, i weep

how can i write this. i know not even one of them will read this. but i need to get this spill. since then termenung is my favorite past time. i don't know how to say it clear. have i been too mushy, lately ? i know they can never hear this, i wish they can.

God, I Miss Them deeply.

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i miss mami. so much. too much. i hope she know. how i miss her. how did i grow up without her near me. how i climb the stairs of my life. how i sat my exam wishing to go and show the results to her later. how i fall and pull myself together to go forward.

i miss mami.
her hug, her laugh. her smile. her cuddle. her wits. her cook. her charm. her love. her care. her touch. her groan. her cries. her jealousy. her house. her routine. her hair. her clothes. her stuff. her cookies.

and it hurts to remember how bad i cried when she left me. left me for an eternal forever. i miss being around her. though she's busy cooking. her cook was the best back then. i miss being the grand daughter near so near next to hear all the time.

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i miss nek uda too.
i miss her so much. too much.

the one who always have the strong will to never give up on me. the one who had been my tutor throughout my primay and secondary years. that when i encountered a problem, she always stand by me fed me with positive thoughts, to give me strength to success.

who always have me in her everyday thought. who always call me every now and then. who always send me her love from afar. who always make herself update to my stuff. i miss being near to my nek uda. my very own back bone of success in my exam years.

i miss her. and am sorry and regret to not being able to reside by her during her last breath in this world. which was also during my final exam. i miss my nek uda. i miss having her for me to ask about school and stuff.

and what make me weep to the most is;
i still have the number of all this important people in my contact.
and it hurts. to know that i am dialing to a hope. a hopeless hope.

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i miss atok too.
to the most. and i just don't understand why. i never been so near to him, not that near, not precisely near. but i guess i weep pretty alot since then. filling my past time having him in my thoughts. how i wish they could hear this.

only one thing left now for me to do to be heard.
from this impossible far, i sent them Al Fatihah.

Yes.

okay now saya termenung. terlalu banyak yang jadi sampai saya end up tak tahu nak cakap apa, or buat apa. itu dia kehidupan, saya rasa. banyak yang saya belajar. dan banyak juga yang saya cuba belajar, tapi kecundang. sekali lagi, itu dia kehidupan, saya rasa.

hidup is so unpredictable. begitu juga mati. kita tidak tahu bila. tapi when dia datang, saat itu, baru kita tahu, itu dia, pasti. sampai saat ini saya masih diam, kadang kadang teringat. semangat yang ditinggalkan tepat pada masa untuk saya berubah. ke satu matlamat jelas.

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saya manusia yang susah. susah dalamnya, susah pada banyak perkara. terutamanya apabila ianya berkenaan hubungan. dan saya kecewa, kecewa pada diri sendiri atas susah saya itu. saya rasa kadangnya saya ni terlalu lampaunya berfikir. dan berkecil hati. satu perkara yang sungguh tidak saya banggakan. dan saya sering ucapkan kata maaf, pada setiap yang saya lakukan. bagus adakalanya, juga kurang bagus pada certain masa.

saya rasa saya patutnya kata lebih banyaknya maaf pada diri sendiri.

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itu dia 2008 saya. penuh pahit getirnya, juga manis. saya belajar, belajar untuk hidup dari hari ke hari. tapi satu perkara ini yang masih sukar untuk saya cuba. perkara berkenaan persahabatan. yang juta banyaknya meruntun jiwa. saya jadi benci dan kalit, pada diri sendiri, untuk sukar melepaskan segala yang dulu.

saya katakan pada diri untuk cuba. tapi untuk setahun yang dulu. kali ini, saya takkan cuba, saya akan pastikan ianya bukan omongan kosong, malah sesuatu yang membolehkan saya hidup kehadapan. hidup tanpa melarikan diri sorok dari mana mana pihak. untuk tidak berasa takut. untuk terus stay true untuk diri sendiri. untuk tidak lagi hidup berkata no pada sesiapa.

agar saya dapat jadi lebih matang dalam hidup.

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itu antara mahu yang akan saya lakukan. bukan mahu, tapi akan. yang akan saya lakukan. okay, itu dia. saya akan hidup dengan kehendak positif yang kuat, jelas terus kearah apa yang saya mahu, ops bukan mahu, apa yang saya akan lakukan. kali ini tiada lagi waswas.


to move ahead is to let go the past.
bukan cuba but akan. Have Faith.

Welcome 2009.
Yes Adeera, Yes.