oh everyone

so soon that we had end this perpetuate torture semestar. and i am super glad ;)) but also super freak out when the results will be out later, also soon enough. haih. this semestar i can merely conclude :

1. full of disguise
2. yet filled with love
3. testing me to the maximum as a foundation student
4. glad to have the super news**
5. lingered with bittersweet as a happy retarded teen

im glad ! im glad ! im glad !

Alhamdulillah

so, no more talking about exams paper which have been my nightmare this past few weeks.

now it is the time for super good book ! i am going to ipoh later tonight and will get this book by khaled hosseini, oh-oh-oh best nyaa ;))

to all utp-ians; selamat bercuti ;))

juga kepada mereke mereka yang diwajibkan untuk menghadiri STE, tahniah diucapkan, dan begitu juga kepada saya (kerana saya adalah antara yang bertuah :p)


p/s : please don't feel tertanya tanya when i post my blog continuously. now the boredom of relax had strikes me over :d

ada sesiapa boleh tolong bawa kan saya yang ini ?

saya nak dia badly ;(

for diyanah darling ♥

well briefly, i am having a hard day today, and i really mean it. a real hard one ! tomorrow will be the programming paper, which is a subject i need to adhere sehingga tamat pengajian. semoga Tuhan merahmati saya dan TTF0014. ameen.

still, i can find a time for this dearly darling : diyanah nama nya. well, i had promised her one and this is for you sayang ♥

one fine evening after SBF0034;

diyanah : adeera ! banyak gila gambar retarded i dalam blog you !

adeera : aha aha aha ;p comel apa.

diyanah : you kene letak gambar normal i, or orang ingat i bebetul retarded.

so diyanah babe; you're not physically retarded okay, hehehe. and this is for you ;))

tak retarded tapi juga vain, hehehe ;p



dan berlagak konon comel (well, saya pun)



mana mana gambar pun, action retarded mesti ada, haih :p



but people, diyanah for real is this one. this one little cute girl, hehehe.

oh-oh-oh i lap you babe !

*************************************************************************************


perihal kisah yang lain; diyanah ada this 3 cute babe around her jugak. which is my babes too ! they are fun. well, in my dictionary to be precise they are the fun-fair a girlfriend can ever have ! they are loud, super loud super super loud ! and they are...

the three musketeers : beeha manja in the middle ;))

the bestfriend : sherry sayang and hani comel

beeha don't always ada gambar retarded as she's not one, hehehe. beeha is very exquisite and decent and soft and royalty in her very own way ! my queen she is, and will always be ;))

and as for hani and sherry pula, they have loads of them that i just could'nt picture, way too retarded, aha aha aha :p especially sherry when she start to do all those weird faces. and hani too, when she can be as an old same as sherry. they are the bestfriend that stick around like forever !

the fabulous five

will always be a fabulous five ;))

kan babe kan kan kan? hehehe

oh-oh-oh, they complete my retard-ness.

lap you all babes ;))

beberapa jam kemudian..

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..
Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..
Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..

YEAH YEAH !

ekonomi sudah pun ku khatam dengan separa jaya-nya !

i loike ohkayy ;))
super sukaa oh-oh-oh

tapi esok programming; peers, need instant help !

dua jam sebelum SBF0034

stress.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..

URGH URGH !

**************************************************************************

distressed. sikit ja ;) uh-oh
perasaan stress yang tidak berbelah bagi ;(

as retarded as my mind now

i am making so many faces now; the consequence of econs

couldnt help myself being so so retarded




my sisters are super retarded too. i wonder were these genes are from ibu or ayah? emm..




sumpah retarded, retarded sangat




i even taught bechir and hakim to be one, i regard it as comel ;)

even fariduddin pun dah jadi retarded at times. and he is being wayy super comel. oh i loikee ;))

having your pics of retard-ness is one way of revealing the mortal pure beauty, aha aha aha.

**subhanallah.

just have had a chat through YM with eli. she told me if i were not here, i won't be meeting them, all these great people as my formidable babes.

and i just realize, yes she's right. i won't miss this one big chance to know everyone i knew in UTP. they are great, yes you do folks. and i do love each and everyone of you.

to eli : thank you for making my day. and thank you for the reminder ! belajar mode***

btw i lap you eli ;))

berbahasa tentang ekonomi

secara tiba-tiba saya digamit suara suara halus untuk meneruskan pem-post-an dengan berbahasa. di kala jari jemari ini menari-nari ceria di atas bebutang papan ini, saya dapat merasakan satu kepastian, kepastian bahawa saya sangat malas untuk meneruskan pembacaan falsafah ekonomi. yang saya rasakan merupakan penyeksaan yang tiada berkesudahan. saya sudah letih dan lesu untuk mengeluh dan memanggil manggil nama falsafah ekonomi ini didalam diri. semua nya adalah sungguh mengecewakan.

namun saya juga risau, jikalau perkara yang sangat dahsyat ini berlanjutan dan pada suatu petang yang hening esok mungkinkah akan saya terpinga pinga bodoh didalam dewan peperiksaan. sesungguhnya secara serius dan benar, saya selalu berada diambang ke-blur-an dan saya cuba untuk membantu diri sendiri tetapi mungkin masa dan keadaan dan introspeksi separa diri tidak membenarkan.

kehidupan disaat ini dapat saya kamuskan sebagai satu beban ketidak-adilan. saya sangat letih untuk sekali lagi lari dari menongkat dagu malas, dan cuba untuk menghayunkan kembali tangan manja ini dan kembali berlari sesempurna dulu. saya amat merasakan penyeksaan sebagai seorang siswazah yang sedang cuba untuk men-koheran-kan dirinya dengan bumi, subjek dan insan insan lain. ekonomi tidak mampu menjawab segalanya. hanya graf MC, MR, ATC dan AVC yang mampu ekonomi paparkan buat saya.

setelah berfikir fikir secara kritikal dan analitikal saya menemui satu konklusi. konklusi yang bahawasanya saya perlu mengagahkan diri untuk menghadapi pancaroba ini. walaupun ketidak-sukaan saya jelas terpancar oleh cahaya nur abadi, saya mesti dan saya harus.

sebagai seorang alti yang sedang ingin menjadi lebih alti, saya perlu tahu lebih dari sekadar minat sahaja. saya perlu mampu meletakkan diri sehebat zeti akhtar, gabenor bank negara yang juga bijak dalam ekonomi. saya selalu memandang enteng akan subjek yang saya jelek, namun demi esok dan hari hari akan datang apabila dunia memerlukan lebih dari itu, saya mungkin akan mampu membantu. walaupun pada hakikatnya saya amat buntu dalam falsafah ini.

pernah saya berfikir dan berkata sendirian, jika lah saya menerima paggilan utusan tempoh hari, mungkin kah saya akan lebih berjaya? kerana bidang itu lah yang telah menjadi impian saya. saya teruskan lagi untuk mengamati setiap nano subjek yang possible untuk saya fikirkan. diakhir legasi pemikiran saya; Tuhan pasti mempunyai sebab yang konkrit untuk mahukan saya disini.

maka dengan itu, akan saya terus berusaha walaupun saya sudah pun berada dia satu garis akhir yang memboleh kan saya melingkupkan diri sendiri. saya bangun, menghantukkan kepala di dinding lantas menyeru, ini ada lah beban pembuktian yang akan saya buktikan.

alkhirulkalam;
Tuhan telah mensyariatkan satu takdir untuk saya meneruskan kehidupan.

i miss you

i miss them. i miss them. i miss them. i miss them. i miss them.

my pia♥ and my marlen♥

my super kyrin♥



them; whom i dearly miss♥

retard-ness

kyrin, pia, anis and all the letops gang;
i miss you babes, i really do :'(

i'm happy when you are

in this two or three or maybe four days time; i had experienced vast amount of bittersweet. and i can merely conclude; things happen for a very rational pretty reason and we human must and are to conform to live with it.

last few days; i lost my biggest motivator. the one who had been taught me throughout this years, until i am now proud to be called as a university dwellers.

i had lost my one and only Nek Uda; Misanah Abdullah.

she has been my greatest teacher, a super talented scholar who have had always be there for me throughout my years as a student. and i regret that our last meet were months ago. but still, i am not going to failed her.

to Nek Uda;

from afar, i am sorry then i wasn't there. to thank you for all the things you had taught me, and for all your words that inspire me and for all your help, i will and i am to be successful as you want me too. you have been so great to me, that i will disperse all your thoughts to the others in this world. been missing you indeed.

i fret over the timeless chance i had to be with her. i wish to go home and be there, but i know she would want me to do this for her; stay and sit the final. so i let it not to overcast my days.

Al-Fatihah.

*************************************************************************************

and there is/are also other event that intentionally and unintentionally ocured that i felt so new, so loved and so happy. the joint of hearts.

i finally succeed to make munchkin happy and motivated, and i hope he are and will always be with the presence of the family the other day.

to my dearly darling ijah; thank youu. i owe you one ;)

and yes to a subject that is subtle to be mentioned; i am happy for what God had been replied for your unanswered questions. may this rapid dispatch of one heart be yours forever.

from prevalent things that had happened, i learnt to know more about what will life be and what will we reaped from it.

the authentication of ones heart; the correlate of events which have had decay. yes, things happen for good reason. and God know the best of what and when.

to remedy with the situation, one should comprehend well of its aggregate doing. and of another layer of complexity, karma make the difference. subsequently; the art of sifting might be discerning also consolidating.

also to dearly darling lynn and pojan; happy 10th month ;) i know you will have more ! i'm happy for you both ;))

a many thanks to fatyn for helping me with this super pink layout, i appreciate it a lot !
thank youu ;)

to all human; may it be one tales for us to remember.
to them : i am happy when you are ;) i will always be.

completing the task.

sounds relatively serious but frankly no its not. just being so rigid besides the books and i am about to complete the double-tag by this two beautiful dearly darlings : hani and aufa ;))

from hani ♥

5 things human should know about me.

*first thing first.

i love poetry. so much, that i can have my days just on one exquisite sentence. i am also are in practice to be one ;)

one of my favourite :

"the minute I heard my first love story
I started to looking for you
not knowing how blind that was.

Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along."

Jalaluddin Al Rumi

*second come next.

i adore humanity. a alot indeed. my category of reading would be humanity and the real story. i just felt amazed that things happen in life unintentionally. though God had wrote a different story for me to play in my life, i still want to learn from others. my library on the right resembles my sense of humanity.

*third in the middle.

in some way i can be so retarded. to a condition applied. a total retarded, and i really mean it. you would be so annoyed with it when you just can't bare with my super retarded uncontrollable habit.




*forth to be real.

i am a polka dot big fan. my eyes will be dazzled with the dots, wherever i go, whenever i move. though the dots can be nano tiny, still, i have my eyes on it.




*fifth should be last.

currently, i fancies fish. i would sacrifice my morning breeze on bed just to get the fish to be feed. i have the thought that fish, fishes are adorable and brilliant.



can i just add another one?

**sixth as an addition.

i love babies. they make my life worth it ! and here is my gading putri, the one i have been missing.



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

from aufa ♥

Rules:

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.

2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.

3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog.

1. what is your eye colour?
-i just dont know but someone told me it is brown.

2. do you believe in yourself?
-in sane certain way, yes i am.

3. who do you NOT want to meet?
-impostors?

4. how tall are you?
-160 cm and cant go taller than that.

5. have you stolen something over $20?
-aha, jackpot ! :p

6. do you like the band The Shins?
-i am a universal listener.

7. What if you had three wishes - what would you wish for?
-humanity, humanity, humanity.

8. Who is the stupidest person you know?
-myself is accepted?

9. How easily do you trust people? Why?
-i trust people, i do. just that things can go so super unintentionally.

10. What's your favorite TV show?
-i am once a big fan of house.

11. Do you know how to drive stick?
-do you mean chopstick?

12. What is your favorite sport to watch?
-currently, i am so into fifa manager, and i am now a football fan ;)

13. Have you ever been on a motorcycle?
-yes ! for the first time !

14. Do you have kids?
-wish i have one ;)

15. Have you ever had a crush on more than one person at the same time?
-oh yes, muchkin, owl, intan payung. eh? he is the same person kan? :p

16. Where did you go to school?
-fatima kindergarten; marian convent; melawati 2; section 5; mrsm serting; mrsm jasin.

17. If you had to get married now, who would you want to marry?
-my doctor who are apparently an engineer ;)

18. Have you ever cut yourself?
-my mind have those idea but my hand love me.

19. Have you ever driven a Ferrari?
-i have no license, sadly no :(

20. Do you want to get married?
-a total yes.


i hereby double-tagged :

**naadira babe (p/s : been missing you)
**izzat mae
**hadi
**fara
**eiju

**nadirah kamil

and oh yes; tomorrow is final, and i still have time for such. been so tepu as in bahasa.

so to UTP-ians; good luck and all the best ;))

being tagged

kak fairus had tagged me whereby i don't really know when; as she has been extremely active in posting her blog ;) and kak, this is for you, thank you by the way for you thoughts. love you.

Instructions: Remove ONE question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged. Whoever does the tag will have blessings from all.

1. Do you believe in love at first sight?
- No, I don't. First impression can truly tell you lies ;)

2. Have you ever felt stupid? Why?
- I can't say no. It bug me all the way. The truth, and what lies behind my knowledge. It just hurt.

3. Where is the place that you want to go the most?
- At the moment, Kabul. I want to be there to witnessed a perpetual circumstances.

4. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
- To live as a human of emotionless; out of reach.

5. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
- I believe of rainbow can be seen after the rain. But not that often. Same goes feelings; i believe rainbow after clashes, but too often it does not appear. A situation is to be applied.

6. Do you like being who you are today?
- I am a deliberate advocate; and are having a subtle self-appreciation for it ;)

7. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
- Prepare a family luggage, having a world-tour with beloved family. Buy lovely stuff for the gfs. Do some investment and get married ;))

8. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
- I do, i always do. To him and her.

9. Who are the top five people in the world you would wish to meet?
- My late mami. Aisyah r.a. Jalaluddin Al Rumi. John F Kennedy. Tun Mahathir.

10. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
- Stuffed me with an undivided love.

11. Which type of cars I love the most?
- New Beetles Volkswagen will be super perfect ;)

12. Which do you prefer from your other half? hug? or a kiss?
- Being himself and knows whats best to do at times.

13. If you have faults, would you rather the people around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?
- I am always sorry, even for the sins i don't commit.

14. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
- Being an adult who are matured. I'm losing the scent.

15. Are you a shopaholic or not?
- If the purchasing power increase and the price level are low, then why not? ;)

16. What kind of electronic device/gadget you own that you like most?
- A total definitely; my laptop and hand phone.

17. If you have a chance, which part of your character you would like to change?
- The character of always to live in guilt and despair from oneself thinking. And to be more emotionless.

18. What makes you feel disappointed?
- To realize from such annihilation and to learn of being ditched. I hope for no more. Please.

19. If given a chance, do you want to see your future?
- I rather say : We purpose; God dispose. God know what best for me, and I'm sure He had written the best of it.

20. Whats the most nagging problem for you at the moment?
- The back doors dwellers.

I hereby tag...
1. sharifah.ibrahim
2. hani.ijat
3. fatyn.nqb (heard you have one babe ;))
4. liyana.rosli
5. raihanah.tahir
6. qurah.aini
7. fara.faizul
8. dayangku.zuraidah

-enjoy tagging, xoxo-

i'm tired

.i'm tired.
.tired of being human.
.and be nice to others.
.when others don't.

.i'm tired.
.tired to live.
.tired to have more clashes.
.tired of being toy as a puppet.
.i'm tired being a dumb puppet.
.faking smile and make lousy jokes.
.to make others laugh while i don't.

.i'm tired.
.tired of pleasing.
.pleasing each and everyone.
.i'm tired.
.tired of being sorry.
.for the sins that i did not commit.

.i'm tired.
.tired of having so many matters.
.tired of involving the innocent into my matters.
.i'm tired.
.tired of being shout.
.i'm tired.
.i am extremely exhausted, tired .
.and i don't lagi wish to live.

.i'm tired.
.tired to live.
.to live in the surrounding where people only pikir themselves.
.and only do things which is their need.

.i'm tired.
.i'm tired being told what to do.
.without perkataan tolong.
.i'm tired.

.i'm tired.
.tired of trying to say no.
.whereby sebenarnya i can't.
.i'm tired.
.i am so tired of all this.

.i'm tired.
.tired for this barriers.
.tired of being burden.
.tired to be appoint as burden.
.i'm tired.
.i am devastatedly tired.

.i'm tired.
.tired of being stupid.
.tired of being dumb during test.
.tired of being clueless while everyone were discussing.
.tired of just ponder.
.tired, tired, tired.

.i wish to go.
.go out from this mess.
.to have only my own self.
.to only take care of myself.
.to only please myself.
.not others; especially those who don't know how to appreciate.
.i wish to stop being tired.

.i'm just tired being tired.

re-copy

~~Begin Copy~~

This is the easy way and the fastest way to :

1. Make your Authority Technorati explode.
2. Increase your Google Page Rank.
3. Get more traffic to your blog.
4. Makes more new friends.

Rules :

1. Start copy from “Begin Copy” until “End Copy” to your blog(for bloggers paste on the “compose” not the “edit html” part in posting blogs so it will be linked automatically).

2. Put your own blog name and link.

3. Tag your friends as much as you can, the more the better super

1. Picturing of Life
2. Juliana’s Site
3.Hazel-My Life, My Hope, My Future.
4.Jeanne-The Callalily Space
5.Starz in De Sky
6. My Charmed Life
7.Denz Techtronics
8.Denz Recreational
9.Life’s Simple Pleasures
10. My Blog
11. Because Life is Fun
12. In This Game of Life
13.Scribbles of my Life
14.Changing Lanes
15. anna
16. joytoy
17.Surviving deployment
18. The Deviant
19. All I want is Everything
20. Shadows of love, fate and destiny
21.Tasteful Voyage
22.A mom’s note
23. Bittersweet Collide
24.Jackie Simplypinay
25.Jackie’s Everyday Life
26. Parisukat
27. Ang Sponge ni Bub
28. ee-ey
29. Life is too short to be ordinary
30. Super Duper Hot
31. .::NO NAME::.
32. i.am.happy
33. pendulous

~End copy~

saya ingin menge-tagged

sharifah.ibrahim

13 days to final

now time had bug me so much. i will have no more of it later. i need to keep all my files of movies; need to let this leg move to irc instead ipoh; need to let dust covered my story book and let the comforter always folded. **hope this phrase is well comprehend.

after such annihilation and downturns, i need to once again try to bangun; the least first thing i can do here. try to bangun, schedule a strategy for a goal and make it happen, yes, the hardest part; make it happen; the most, aduhai aduhai.

also, need to berhenti ,mengeluh aduh, aduhai, alaa sebelum alamak, or huhuhu. okay okay, stop mengeluh. stop mengeluh, well absorbed. today, monday, a very fine monday and i will try to initiate a start from this annihilation.

soon after that, i can have good books, yes good books. i am longing for good humanity books.

together i strive to meet :

• days of no worries
• books, good books
• movies, good movies
• time, ample time for just to sit back and ponder the world

hell yeah ! here i come ;))

a mother's day retreat

enough to say :
i am glad to have pinkPOPO
i am all cherished for the morning breeze

owl; thank youu ;)

with love, fish

for ibu ♥

You may have thought I didn't see,
Or that I hadn't heard,
Life lessons that you taught to me,
But I got every word.

Perhaps you thought I missed it all,
And that we'd grow apart,
But Ibu, I picked up everything,
It's written on my heart.

Without you, Ibu, I wouldn't be,
The woman I am today;
You built a strong foundation
No one can take away.

I've grown up with your values,
And I'm very glad I did;
So here's to you, my dear ibu,
From your forever grateful kid.

ibu; the one person who had show me the meaning of life in this world. and the one who had color all my days with her wisdom words.

tiptoeing down the memory lane, i can still remember my old days, being ibu only daughter. where i use to play with all of her high heels and lipsticks while she's asleep. and then when she woke up she will find me with all her high heels and my lips all red with lipsticks; back then i was only 5.

ibu will always be my best company, waking me up at 4 in the morning to study. together with a cup of milo, ibu will always remain the best. she fetched me up every now and then from school and tuition classes, and would asked "how was your class? you need any other back up?" oh, ibu always know the best for me.ibu have been a great girlfriend. a very loud and happy girlfriend. ibu joined us playing myscene barbie. advising us the best outfit for nolee, barbie and chelsea.

bring us out for shopping. picking the best costume for prom (where i am a cowgirl ! howdie) bring us to pasar tani and would give us the lecture "ni jintan putih, ni kayu manis and ni is bunga cengkih, jangan tak tahu." and all are stored well in mind. well-absorbed. back to the kitchen, teaching us baking brownie and cheese cake, also teaching us how to masak kailan ikan masin or kuah lemak rebung. ibu is the best chef ever.

though i am apart from ibu for years during my highschool, i called her everyday. telling her all my stories, the latest progress and the fact that i missed her so much. until the day, i had been astray. far from my mission, far from ibu. i just blindly refuse to see the strong bond we have. and it take us quite a some time to make it right. and i come this one fine day when i finally jerked back into reality and once again be with ibu.

ibu never failed my desire. she will always try to please me though i have had make her day hard. always put her best effort in providing me the best. and are always be there for me. ibu never failed me; but i have had many times unconditionally failed her. i had been so disgrace.

ibu always mentioned that i would one day become a mother. a mother who owned a beautiful daughter, who can be my greatest girlfriend also can unintentionally be my daughter greatest hatred. ibu make me ponder, and since then, i had been trying to think as a parent, individually as a woman who will soon be a mother whenever i try to deal with matters. ibu had been my greatest motivation to live and to become a great mother just like her.

the one who woke up the earliest every morning. who had been providing us with healthy food. the one who send us to school, tuition and extra classes. the one who hears our cries after school. the one who always backing us up wise according to situation, the one who had been our school assignment helper. the one who always share her story of childhood and teenagers. ibu can never be replace. and i don't wish more than her; i just only need ibu by me.

so here with this;

ibu, kakak would like to thank you for teaching us all sisters and Muhammad the meaning of life. for colored our days with your undivided love and care. thank you for being our first teacher. who taught us the first abc. thank you for always be there, lifting up the downs. for always have a faith in us, in me and for always believe in a positive way of human we will be.

i love you ibu, and many thanks to you for this wonderful life you had spare us.

love you ibu, love you. happy mother's day, with love from us.

and to all girls who soon will turn to be a woman; a mother to a daughter, happy mother's day ;)

also not to forget : ibu kiah, ibu timah, ibu iza, ibu diah, ibu minah, ibu alwa, ibu maimun, ibu zaini, mak yang, mak ya, mami sarawak, cik siti, and for those who are a mother, to my cousins and juga orang yang paling penting nenek pj; selamat hari ibu.

mind me

afternoon dwellers; fellows out there; sisters and yes all respective homo sapient ;)

briefly, i don't really have a topic here but i do have a mind to keep on blogging, as blogging give me the best therapy of all. recently i have been experiencing even more recession, a recession of no principles of economics but yet a recession of oneself and together with the surroundings.

life have had been treating me to the worse, or perhaps i am treating my other-half adeera extremely bad that i just don't realize. to indicate a sorry is hard to someone that who has been whole heartedly love you, and it came true to me when my other-half adeera refuse to get in back clique to me and for another concrete reason of undiscovered matters. still, i am trying my best as i need her more than anything, my other-half adeera.

to mention my deep frustration in the field, i had regret it so much, the things that unintentionally happened. the negative changes i had been living, and the skunks i had turned to. but time give me no chance to repeat all those days, i am moving on and in a trial of being someone i was before.

still, when all of the negative to me need to be execute to the positive side, there are one particular characteristic which are positive to everyone but clearly a burden and negative to me need to be vanished or in the best form : reduced. i mind myself to change though it is rather hard as it has been part of me for years.

as far as i am concern, pleasing is one haller good subject one human can pay to another. by pleasing, it will be a crystal clear how i am willing to sacrifice everything to the one that i please. but again, life and the others taught me a lesson, a lesson to first come wise to yourself, not others. i find it hard the first time and i still find it hard for the third time. maybe i just had been too puppet to be step on as human don't anymore practice humanity. yes, my biggest adoration : humanity.

out of everything that happen, i am still glad to each and every person in this world who had/ has/ have appreciate me so much than others do. and i would like to initiate a deeply gratitude to those who have showered me with an undivided love; that even when i am in my greatest despair i can still feel the bond that we share.

maybe some would say i just have been too carried away on such petty things. human, should i send this to you through reflection? i despise being second though i am out of numbered, and i loathe of being ditch for a love that i sincerely and whole-heartedly gave.

each and everyone one of us have been destined to live in different story but perhaps to be experience by the same and exact situation and feeling by God. i had mine, and yours will soon come.

i take it positively at first, but i am no good in faking smile as it will be a totally absurd. maybe this is all that God have to give to me for all my wrongdoings past years ago, i accept it all in grace and patience, as i know, love have no boundaries; and this might be one way of God's saying that how inlove i am with Him; that he had tested me to the most in this word call bond and relationship.

i had try my best to give all i can, to people surrounds me, to human and any God's other creature. so let it to be learned; to be improvised. cussing all the positive thought that i had instill, i still can't let the love go and just passed by me. i hold in deep in heart, i gripped it at all angle and i try to bare all the barriers.

in love, we are willing to see more that we have just had seen other things less. maybe this proverb are the righteous of all explanation and tales i had mention before.

let time tell us when.

INFURIATE

I saw a man with tears in his eyes.

I went to him and asked him why.
"I'm lonely," he said.
Said I, "I'm here."
"I'm not," he said, and left me there.

yes, left me there.
disgrace; dishonest.

note : the he is universal.
and to whom it may concerned; god pay good deeds, thank youu ;)

other-half

in human, as i keep my observation, i always believe we have two person in one. the other us, our other-half. and when things come unintentionally wrong and out of order, i believe my another-half is not aligned with me. as if, she's away, letting herself in a million of others' other-half.

today i had done the biggest mistake which i am true to see i am hating myself which also giving out the meaning of i am hating my other-half.

after some thinking in mind, i come to a conclusion i had changed to someone my other-half does not believe in lagi. yes, i guess adeera is right. i am not i am dulu to her and to the rest of other human in this world.

so here with this, adeera, im sorry, please don't let me continue in being stupid without you. im initiating a full stop to a oneself curse.

i love you my other-half adeera, please don't leave me.

time to get it started

to wake up from a deep frustrating annihilation
of unscrupulous undone screwed test



not too late to start is it?

so, together with munchkin
we're initiating a start
of an intelligent pain

blog are all set
for more

economics
programming
business info system
maths
english

to finished the undone
to notice the unnoticed

to get it down all pass
for new chapter of being an undergrad

BRING IT ON !

i don't know you anymore

there are some human in this world whom recklessly spilled out the word of which will hurt into the deep of someone flesh beyond the throat. a human of maybe lost of control and are too disguise to bare stay in a calm anger; that it choses to hurt the another half.

out of despise and warmth, a state of doing some action based on oneself need which the other half couldn't bear and the point of doing it by lust has been appoint. and the someone stay unconscious in despair and depressed.

to tell the want and the sweet of one need is hard.

thou can't thy tell the thee of thou want thee to be more sweet.

that will be a total absurd. the another half just want the someone to know of why and what in no when.

though;
i don't know you anymore had burst the fresh flesh, cut open an unhealed wound of hell.

of cold and mist

cold be heart and hand and bone
cold be travelers far from home;

they do not see what lies ahead
when suns had failed and moon is dead;

understand

.can't human just understand.
.the reason of why and what.
.the hurt that one person try to endure.
.the things that a person wish.

.i wish humanity is spread beyond it meanings.
.i wish candies sweeten my day more than it should.
.i wish human can change.
.i wish i can change.
.i wish more peace in between.

.i longing for surprise and sweets that i don't mention.
.wish it come unintentionally.

.i wish to lead a life of fairy tales.
.a knight on a white horse.

boredom strikes me over

1. If you're being extremely quiet what

does it mean?

* sulking

2. Last time you laughed? who made you

laugh?

* yesterday night, the crowd

3. Has anyone told you they missed you

lately?

* yes, naadira dear

4. Are you wearing any clothes that

don't belong to you?

* yes; munchkin's

5. Would you ever date your best friend

(of the opposite sex)?

* not a date; kluar wont be a harm but still i need to reconsider the consequences later on

6. what's the last mistake you made?

* jom makan

7. Do you regret anything from your

past?

* a lot but i have the idea it taught me life as it can be

8. If you could seek revenge on

someone would you?

* ambiguous but still nauzubillah

9. How do you react when people cry

around you?

* to a condition applied

10. Do you bump into someones arm if

you want to hold their hand?

* try not to; except munchkin n the darling gfs

11. Do you know how to belly dance?

* apa tu?

12. What are you listening to?

* no air

13. Last beverage?

* coke semalam

14. Do you own a planner?

* tak; but i think i need to have one

15. Favorite months?

* month of no disguise; but it is impossible

16. what's going on this weekend?

* lame weekend

17. what song is on your mind just this

second?

* where did i go right, hilary duff

18. What are you doing this Saturday?

* wondering

19. What makes you happy?

* cant think of one at the moment

20. Sweetest thing anyone has ever

done for you?

* consult me when i merajuk, that will be the best

a simple comeback

1. What is more difficult:

To let go everything or forget what

happened?

- to forget what had happened. time will tell when ;)

2. Think of the last time you were

angry. Why were you angry?

- last monday; when i simply stupidly can't properly answer the 4th test ques, haihh

3.Last call?

- a few hours ago; munchkin ;)

4. If you could do anything OR wish

anything, what would it be?

- i wish i am close to genius, even near to brilliant

5. You can have one of the following

two things: trust or love

- trust; with trust then will grow the love

6. Would you or have you ever

blackmailed someone?

- ahaha, never kot :p

7. Think of the last person whom you

know.

- recently knew? naadira sayang. dah lama kenal but baru jumpa : aufa comel ;)

8. Are you the kind of friend that you

would want to have as a friend?

- i would say no. i am far to called myself as a par in this. wish to be more bagus

9. Would u sleep with someone if u had

the chance?
- the someone will be ibu. i miss her :(

10. Are you old fashioned?

- some part of me contextually

11. What would be harder for you, to

tell someone you love them or you

do not love them back?

-to tell someone i am heartless :(

12. What would be the hardest

thing for you to give up on?

- munchkin; life; bonds

13. Romantic love, when was the last

time you told someone you loved them?

- seriously uncountable bila; as i had mentioned it every now and then

14. Imagine. It is a dark night, you

are alone, it is raining outside, you

hear someone walking around outside

your window. WHO do you wish was there

with you?

- munchkin will be a dream come true ;)

15. Would you give a homeless person

CPR?

- according to the current circumstances, insyaAllah

16. You are holding onto your

- im gripping my life even tight day by day especially the bond

IF YOU HAVE 3 MONTHS TO LIVE:

17. Do you tell anyone or everyone you

are going to die?

- to be dramatic; it will be NO. but then i will keep on wondering after my death bed alone. ahaha

18. What do you do with your remaining

days?

spread the love; tell each and everyone in my life a non stop THANK YOUU

19. Would you be afraid?

- a total yes :(

20. Have u ever lied?

- no lies will be an abnormal

21. Are u an emotional person when it

comes to any problems?

- situations to be referred, thank you

22. What type of person could u

probably describe urself as?

- retard due to time and situation; serious in delegation and legation

23. What are u doing at the moment?

- 3 in 1. blogging; ym-ing. sms-ing. i am a SUPERWOMAN

24. Do u love to hit the clubs?

- i find loud music annoys my cochlea alot

25. Do like writing poems?

- i am, a lot indeed

26. Are u straight or the other around?

- the other way around i guess

27 . Are u feel stupid doing this?

- no; i had done a very good INTROSPEKSI diri, thank youu ;)